Some Words on the State of My Thoughts

For those meager few of you still listening in, waiting for the ghost of some insight or amusement from me, there’s a reason why I haven’t been writing in here as much – for months on a stretch. I’m having a crisis of identity, you see. A realization that I have not lived long enough nor fully enough to truly encapsulate my thoughts, dreams, inspirations and angers. That even if I were to buck it up and write it down, I wouldn’t even be giving an original perspective.

Everything I want to say is being written by better, or at least more insightful, men and women.

Take, for example, a little eight-hundred-word piece I had started typing in here a few weeks back. A little analysis on the state of music now that Bandcamp and Soundcloud are real things, run and utilized by real musicians, and they’re everywhere, good god I can’t turn a metaphorical corner on the fandom side of the internet without running into a little ditty I’d be more than happy to cough 99 cents up for if I wasn’t unemployed and getting increasingly desperate.

I trashed it just now. Warren Ellis’s spoken, and I can’t add anything to that, or even reword it for a crude facsimile  of originality.

I’ll be honest. It’s a little frustrating. And I’m on a creative  high at the moment too, writing rather well-received fiction in a fandom I would’ve never expected to have been a part of, so it isn’t as if I’m short on words. Hell, if I were a hired columnist, lack of originality wouldn’t be stopping me.

But this is my blog, you know? And so satisfaction has to be met. And I just haven’t been very satisfied, lately, with my comparatively meager toolkit.

I think I have word envy.


~ by Gonzo Mehum on November 21, 2011.

2 Responses to “Some Words on the State of My Thoughts”

  1. For what it’s worth, I often have the same problem. Often frustrated by Ellis, too, the bastard. Although in my case, I usually start writing something about society’s current approach to technology, the past, and the future, only to find that Internet Jesus has already gone and written something that, in the wrong light, makes mine look like a cheap knock-off.

    On the one hand, finding that someone like that has already said what I’m thinking is good from the point of view of adding weight to my thoughts. On the other. On the other, it is a real pain in the arse when I’ve spent a load of time writing it….

  2. At this particular time, I think I will quote someone else who said it better than I could:

    Mr. Gaiman’s advice on writing is to tell the stories that only you can tell. If you try to tell the stories that someone else can tell, you’ll find that they tell them better than you do.

    Which, for being solid advice about writing, is pretty well rubbish when it comes to figuring out what stories are they ones that are uniquely yours.

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